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i had a dream last night where i tried to save my mom.
a poem about the way grief haunts and heals in one breath.
i had a dream last night where i tried to save my mom.
i attempted to do what i didn’t do in real life.
i drove her to therapy. i cleaned up her house. i moved back into my childhood home. i ignored my own needs. i told the doctor to give her a double mastectomy the first time cancer invaded her cells.
i did everything i didn’t do before.
and in my dream, my mom still faded away. she still lost interest in a life where my sisters and i didn’t live at home. she still let dust collect in every corner of the house. cancer still grew in her spinal cord. it still traveled up to her brain.
and i still lost my mom,
no matter how hard i tried to keep her here on earth.
i woke up feeling very peaceful, calm, and tranquil. my mom is still dead, and i am still hurting, but i now have the understanding that nothing i could have done would have altered the outcome.
and i think that’s something a lot of people who’ve lost their parent or their parents could benefit from remembering more often. or if you’ve lost anyone, really.
nothing you could…
