“the elevator isn’t coming, but i can take the stairs.”

originally posted to instagram ♡

i keep waiting — for what exactly, i’m unsure. at first i thought i craved a sense of belonging, and in a way, i do, though if i really reflect on where my directionless pause on living stems from, it’s more so a desire to feel like myself again than anything else.

for heaven knows how long, i have felt like i’m standing at the opening of an elevator that is never coming because it’s been out of service for ages, and everyone except for me seems to have known that. i’d see people pass me by. they would take the stairs, and all i could do was wonder why.

it’s as though i’ve been in a standstill — as if some sort of equalized balance of magnetic pulls have conspired to keep me stuck in place. but in reality, there’s no conspiracy here.

i keep waiting because i tell myself i have to, not because i have to. i kept thinking my feet were cemented to the ground by quicksand that wouldn’t let me go, but they aren’t and they never were.

at some point, you have to realize that the thing you hate the most about your life is something you are keeping in it. to a…