the last time i tried, i lost circulation

Photo by taylor hernandez on Unsplash

i can say the alphabet backwards

and count by three upwards with my head turned sideways

but i cannot face forwards and hold my past in the present

i do not have the means to look them in the eyes

with mine open — but i can interlace my fingers with your palms

even if i can’t feel my arm anymore

by this, i mean i will stand by your side until you run away

will not let myself cut anyone else off

because the last time i tried, i lost circulation

and i haven’t found where my self-preservation

has been hiding ever since

☼