we’re there and you’re here but i am not.

a poem about derealization and depersonalization.

Photo by David Dibert on Unsplash

once upon a time, i caught wind of a phrase,

that being, “pinch me! i must be dreaming,”

and what was formerly a colloquialism is

currently a tropism, which is to say i

cannot halt the pinching and the

asking of, “am i dreaming?”

if you asked,

i would describe myself as a homebody

but that’s only because my body

won’t let me leave my home.

we’re there, and you’re here,

but i am not. i never am. i’m

always caught in the space

between awake and

asleep.

the view is surreal and

i try to conceal.

i don’t wake up when i open my eyes.

the dreams play on, and i have to trust

that i exist within the scenery

surrounding me.

have you ever

held what is real

and what you feel

in two hands and

begged them to

become one?

i realize i’m alive

but i detach and

depersonalize

and i pinch

and i ask,

“am i?”